MIT Beaver Infestation Letter
Dear MIT Class of 2022,
We regret to inform you that there has been a major California beaver (Castor canadensis) infestation in many of the undergraduate residence halls, including Avery, Baker, and Simmons.
Although students and staff fought bravely to defend their domiciles from the California beavers, they were eventually defeated and, like the French, forced to flee. We therefore have to inform you that the incoming class of freshmen must make the difficult choice to either transfer to the more prestigious, academically rigorous California Institute of Technology, or to stay and fight the beavers in hand-to-paw combat.
Although the beavers have taken Building 50 and the Rogers Building as I write this letter, we are confident that an armistice treaty will be written by next year. All students who transfer to the California Institute of Technology will undoubtedly be out of their depth, as the superior curriculum and extreme workload will prove too much for even the brightest MIT student, but rest assured we will have everything back in order for our students’ return before anyone fails too many classes.
We wish you luck in fighting the beavers and in being accepted to the Hotter Institute of Technology.
Sincerely,
Shoe Schmitt
Dean of Admissions
Commander, Anti-Beaver Defense Force
We regret to inform you that there has been a major California beaver (Castor canadensis) infestation in many of the undergraduate residence halls, including Avery, Baker, and Simmons.
Although students and staff fought bravely to defend their domiciles from the California beavers, they were eventually defeated and, like the French, forced to flee. We therefore have to inform you that the incoming class of freshmen must make the difficult choice to either transfer to the more prestigious, academically rigorous California Institute of Technology, or to stay and fight the beavers in hand-to-paw combat.
Although the beavers have taken Building 50 and the Rogers Building as I write this letter, we are confident that an armistice treaty will be written by next year. All students who transfer to the California Institute of Technology will undoubtedly be out of their depth, as the superior curriculum and extreme workload will prove too much for even the brightest MIT student, but rest assured we will have everything back in order for our students’ return before anyone fails too many classes.
We wish you luck in fighting the beavers and in being accepted to the Hotter Institute of Technology.
Sincerely,
Shoe Schmitt
Dean of Admissions
Commander, Anti-Beaver Defense Force
Comments
Post a Comment