MlT Admissions

Dear MIT Class of 2022, We regret to inform you that there has been a major California beaver ( Castor canadensis ) infestation in many of the undergraduate residence halls, including Avery, Baker, and Simmons. Although students and staff fought bravely to defend their domiciles from the California beavers, they were eventually defeated and, like the French, forced to flee. We therefore have to inform you that the incoming class of freshmen must make the difficult choice to either transfer to the more prestigious, academically rigorous California Institute of Technology, or to stay and fight the beavers in hand-to-paw combat. Although the beavers have taken Building 50 and the Rogers Building as I write this letter, we are confident that an armistice treaty will be written by next year. All students who transfer to the California Institute of Technology will undoubtedly be out of their depth, as the superior curriculum and extreme workload will prove too much for even the brigh...

Dear MIT Class of 2022, We realize that many of you have had the unfortunate experience of being admitted to a different Institute of Technology than you would have preferred. We decided to provide the transfer requirements for the Hotter Institute of Technology here, for reference as you move forward with your "academic" career in the 2018-19 "school" year. GPA of 7.0 Already has acquired three graduate degrees, at least one of which is from Caltech Must be at least 7’8” At least one Olympic medal  Is able to tell, at sight, the difference between a California and Massachusetts beaver. Must be able to speak fluent Castor canadensis, Greek, Bee, Latin, Swahili, Uzbek, and three Bantu dialects. Champion in at least two of the following: Chess Olympiad Juggling Telekinesis International Chemistry Olympiad At least one Nobel Prize nomination Has successfully cured cancer Has published research at CERN, LIGO, and has won a Fields Medal Has taught M...

This man, Jen Bones, is an important campus member for making decisions about admissions and what-not. He is also in charge of Campus Preview Weekend, and has important news to share about a change in that weekend.